Learn from a pro....

So as I sit here today I am extremely hungover....but not just for any night of over consumption!  Auburn, Alabama was host to one of the best food and wine events that I have ever had the privilege to take part in.  Auburn University Chefs to the Recuse was an event pulled together in three short weeks to benefit the victims of the deadly tornadoes that ravaged our state on April 27th, 2011.  Hans Van der Reijden, the general manager of the Auburn University Hotel and Conference Center, Chef John Hamme of my restaurant Maestro 2300 and  a few others got together and decided to do a spin off of our walk-about wine tastings to raise money for the people that lost everything in these storms.  For a hundred dollars a person each guest received a wine glass and a informational packet that told them all about the different stations and who the chefs were.  Then they are free to walk-about to each of the stations where there is a different chef paired with a different wine or beer selection.  To make sure all of the proceeds from this amazing event were donated to the victims all of the food and wine was donated by food purveyors, wineries, breweries, and farmers so there was no cost to any of the chefs or staff involved except our time.  Now as much as I am honored to have been a part of this event, this is not the reason that I am writing this blog today....no sir.....the reason I am writing this today is to give you some pointers on how to successfully navigate one of these types of events and not end up in the pitiful fashion that I currently reside!

Once again, remember I am only trying to help you get through a night of amazing food and wine pairings with maximum enjoyment....and as I have stated I am not a literary genius and really don't have a filter from brain to mouth....so bear with me.  

Pointer number one....do a little recon when you arrive.  There is nothing worse at an event like this than getting full off of the the first three things you see and not being able to try the items that may be your true favorites.  When you arrive take your time to get a layout of the place.  Walk around and see what everybody has to offer, what the portion sizes are, and what the beverage selections are...then plan accordingly!  Every one of these events that I have attended, if it be the San Destin Winefest, Atlanta Food and Winefest, one of the numerous wine tastings that I have attended, or Oregon Pinot Camp (don't worry mom that's next week blog) I usually have had pretty good success in navigating through the less popular items on to the bigger and better things.  Personally I like to start with some bubbly, be it cava or champagne something about bubbles tells my liver to be prepared for what is coming.  After that on to the white wines, usually from light to heavy starting with a good German Riesling and moving all the way up the food chain to a good white Burgundy.  When I decide to transition to reds I normally begin with a pinot noir....but I am not one to turn my nose up at a good Barolo!  As for the food I like to try and keep my pairings light to start....maybe a fresh ceviche or tuna sashimi and then move into the heavier things like beef or pork later.  Following this pattern of light to heavy seems to let me fill up at a nice pace so I can match my buzz accordingly.

Pointer number two...take a beautiful women, or women plural, with you.  Now if you are a beautiful women this rule is obviously already taken care of....for the rest of us your gonna have to know a beautiful women that will trust you enough to get her drunk.  If you have this taken care of then most women will jump at the opportunity at getting to go to a wine and food tasting.  I know some of you are thinking that I sound like a chauvinist pig now....but that is not it at all....I am strictly thinking of the best rules to help you navigate an event where there will most certainly be male chefs serving you food and wine...this being said most of them like to look at beautiful women and therefore if it is an ugly chic or a pretty chic to get served next guess who they are gonna pick?!  At the event last night I was fortunate enough to be accompanied by three beautiful women and I can honestly say that I didn't have to wait for any food or wine all night!  Once again I am simply trying to make your night as pleasant as possible.

Pointer number three...and the most obvious...pace yourself.  Most food and wine events have a time limit.  The one last night was from six to eight thirty with a VIP tasting afterwards that lasted from nine to ten.  Now if you were not heeding my advice then by seven or seven thirty you could be trashed.  If that is how you like to roll than you are once again reading the wrong blog and probably will not get invited back to an event like this because your gonna be the drunk guy they throw out at seven forty-five....not good.  If they say these things are gonna last until eight thirty than you really only have until about eight fifteen or so before everybody starts to break down and head for the bars.  This is still plenty of time....trust me.   So figuring that you have over two hours of time if you hit a different station every fifteen minutes than you are gonna get to try eight different things.  Now I know that doesn't sound like alot on paper, but trust me when you are on your sixth glass of wine and sixth food item you will feel a little different.  Most of us eat three or maybe four things at a time and only may have one or two types of drink with a good dinner.  Now add on to the fact that you are eating and drinking faster than normal and you can see why I say pace yourself!

Pointer number four....when everyone starts breaking down hit up the wine stations for some freebies!  I am not trying to sound cheap by any means.....but these events always alot a certain amount of wine for each table....if you don't sweet talk your way into a free bottle of wine then the wine reps are just gonna take the freebies home with them and they already have enough wine...I mean they're wine reps for gods sake!  The easiest way to do this is to revert back to your successful tactic from pointer number two.  Send the beautiful women that accompanied you to this event over and let her do a little friendly persuasion on the person pouring the wine.  Now if you have successfully followed pointer number one and done a little recon than you have probably figured out which rep is the biggest pushover....this is where you begin.  Remember, if you don't at first succeed then try try again....you will eventually find one who will buckle under the pressure of a pretty smile.

Pointer number five...and the most important...HYDRATE!   This is the rule that I obviously did not follow last night!  Frank Sinatra used to say that he felt sorry for people that don't drink because when they wake up in the morning it's the best they feel all day....I strongly disagree!  You can safely navigate such an event and feel just fine the next morning....but not if you forget to hydrate.  Alcohol gets into the cells of your body and takes the place of the water in those cells....if you don't rehydrate those cells after drinking copious  amounts of boos then presto....hangover!  As I sit here today I can attest that if you skip this rule than you have missed the maximum amount of enjoyment of such a wonderful event...even if you think did the night before!  

These rules have successfully helped me navigate many such a wine tasting or food event in great gastronomical and alcoholic bliss.  Remember that if you to want to learn from a pro then follow these simple rules and you will be in much better shape than I am this afternoon!